I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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