the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude. I can hear the air.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize