Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
