He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
