Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
