Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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