I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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