Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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