i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
