He kissed a someone with a penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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