Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
