I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
