She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
