this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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