East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
try to milk me bitch
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