Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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