Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
