So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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