I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
