True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
