I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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