I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
