Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
