I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
