So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
