respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
