Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
