Can i not drive my cunt home
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
