wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
