She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
