i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
