I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do vagina's smell?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
