Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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