I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Randomize
