So drunk its hurt
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
