Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
