do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize