her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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