I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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