then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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