Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
