you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
