Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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