look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
be right there i have to get my cape
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
