fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just had sex bonerless
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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