Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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