Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she pinky promised me she was 18
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's always time for handjobs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
