Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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