escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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