So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
