That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
