I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
