This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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