i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
