So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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