hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
