obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
