xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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