I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
