i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
did i just pee glitter
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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