I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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