Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
