If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
