hotel room ftw
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
