I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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