Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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