Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
