ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
