The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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